RENEWAL

A STORY BY JACQUELINE LA SON

IT RAINED CONTINUALLY THE FIRST WEEK AT THE SHORE AND I HATED IT WITH EVERY FIBER THAT COULD FEEL. | REGRETTED IMMEASURABLY THE DECISION THAT HAD BROUGHT ME BACK TO THE ISLAND, BUT THERE WAS NOTHING NOW TO BE DONE ABOUT IT. THE SERVANTS WERE ON VACATION, MY MOTHER AND FATHER HAD THE CAR HALFWAY ACROSS THE COUNTRY, AND I HAD TO STAY UNTIL THEIR RETURN AT THE END OF AUGUST.

I HAD DECIDED TO COME BACK BECAUSE I WANTED TO LIVE AGAIN IN THE PAST, BUT THE PAST WOULD HAVE NONE OF ME AND I WAS FORCED TO STAY WHOLLY IN THE RAZOR-EDGED PRESENT. I HAD THOUGHT TO DREAM AGAIN OF RUNNING ON THE BEACH WITH MARIANNE, OUR LOVE SPREAD IN A GOLDEN RING AROUND US. I HAD PLANNED TO LIVE ONCE MORE WITH MARIANNE IN THAT MISTY PARADISE OF THE PAST, WHERE THERE WAS NO MORNING OR EVENING, BUT JUST LOVE'S UNBOUNDED, EVERLASTING TIME. MY MIND WOULD NOT HAVE IT SO. I COULD NOT ESCAPE FROM THE JAGGED TRUTH: I COULD NO LONGER RUN AND MARIANNE WAS NOT HERE. THE TWO WERE FRAGMENTS OF THE SAME MOMENT OF BLIND, CRUSHING FATE.

MARIANNE AND I, EN ROUTE TO THE ISLAND FOR A SECOND YEAR OF GLORIOUS ESCAPE FROM OUR MANY-PEOPLED WORLD, HA RUN INTO FOG THAT CUT US OFF COMPLETELY FROM SURROUNDING REALITY. DRIVING DEVILISHLY AS USUAL, AND KNOWING THE ROAD WELL, I PAID LITTLE ATTENTION TO THE DANK PEA-SOUP WE WERE SUDDENLY WRAPPED IN. A HUGE TRAILER TRUCK LOOMED ABRUPTLY ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD AND DOOMED MARIANNE TO INSTANT DEATH FROM A BROKEN NECK. I CAME OUT OF IT PARALYZED FROM THE WAIST DOWN AND WITH ONE CHANCE IN A MILLION OF EVER WALKING AGAIN. MY DISPOSITION, UNDERSTANDABLY, WAS NOT OF THE SUNNIEST EVEN ON MY BEST DAYS, AND THOSE DAYS BECAME FEWER AND FARTHER BETWEEN AS THE INTOLERABLE MONTHS WENT ON.

I

ON THE ISLAND, A YEAR AFTER MY HAPPINESS HAD BEEN SMASHED, I REMAINED SILENTLY ALOOF FROM THOSE WHO TRIED TO BRING ME COMFORT. I IGNORED THEIR CLUMSY, WELL-MEANING ATTEMPTS TO DRAW ME OUT, THEIR THERAPEUTIC CHATTER ABOUT ISLAND GOSSIP. I KNEW WHAT HAPPENED